Family Ties

My grandmother told me that her proudest achievement was that her four children all still spoke to each other. At 19 I thought it was sad that a life of 80 plus years had borne so few fruits and that she did not have other interests or occupations and that she thought her children still talking to each other was an achievement. At 40 plus and the mother of two I realize how much my grandmother achieved.

My youngest daughter comes home on Saturday, she's been gone four months. She's 9 and she's been with her grandparents. My oldest daughter at almost 14 said to me yesterday that “She'd forgotten she had a sister.” At almost 14 she's too self obsessed to be worried much about anyone else, she's too wrapped up in her boyfriend to notice the lack of her only sibling. All she remembers about her sister is that her sister makes her crazy.

I still talk to my siblings. Text messages of jokes mostly with my brother, because when I am visiting and we are in the same house we have nothing to say to each other. As the older sister I want to boss him around and shake him and get him to live his life better. He wants me to leave him alone. I email with my sister, long emails full of nothing, actual conversations are years apart but at least now with the internet we correspond. It's better than it's been, sometimes all I remember is that my sister made me crazy, and sometimes it's years of silence before we speak again. As the older sister I still want to tell her what to do, as an adult I know I can't. Silence fills the holes that fighting would have filled when we were younger.

My father still talks to his brothers and sister. They still visit with each other, less and less as years go on and they have their own extended families to visit with. They are very different people and I don't know that anyone particularly enjoys the visits or the conversations, but we are family. Family, the only people who remember who you were, even when you forget. My uncle emails me for updates on my family, my parents don't email so it's up to me to keep up the correspondence. Communication has changed, and with it families too. You may never speak to your brother again, but he'll stay your facebook friend.

Every year my grandmother would do Christmas and all the family would come. Once a year no matter what else was going on in their lives everyone would drop everything and come together for Christmas. One year of my 12 cousins only 4 came for Christmas, the rest were spread all over the world living lives in different places. I remember the look of sadness on my grandmother's face. But she should be proud, she's been gone 12 years and yet her children still talk, her grandchildren still talk, still facebook, still email. She built bonds between us all that time has depleted but not erased. Her achievement still stands, a testimony to her love and dedication to her family.

Nana I miss you.