A World of Orphans

A few years ago the TV show "That 70's Show" ended and the LA Times ran an article about it, they asked each of the actors how their lives had changed since the show began. On of the lead actresses on the show was someone I knew pretty well Debra Jo Rupp.  I read through the whole thing and it was now famous stars like Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis talked about their careers and money and fame.  Then I got to Debra Jo's reply.  She said that in the eight years since the show began she had become an orphan.

It was the first time I'd ever heard a grown up use that word to describe themselves.  And it struck me.  I'd known her mother had died but that was just part of the natural cycle of life, she wasn't young, burying your parents is just something you do.  Yet this show had been the break Debra Jo had waited a lifetime to get, a regular part on a regular show guaranteeing her an income for life, she wasn't some young kid who had just struck it rich she was a professional who had worked hard in her industry her whole life and now she was financially secure.  But that wasn't what she marked as the biggest change in her life.  The biggest change was becoming an orphan.

My parents are in their 70s and the last couple of years have been filled with some major health scares.  My mom's 6 month check for her cancer came back yesterday and it was clean. So it looks like cancer (the one she had had only a 15% 5 year survival rate) will not be what kills her.  Still she's 71 years old, in 5 years she'll be 76 how much longer than that will she realistically live?  I've had to face the very real possibility of losing not only her but also my dad in the last year or two.   It's been terrifying.

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine.  She lost her dad without warning two years ago when he was only 61.  She told me that she missed him everyday but the strangest thing for her was that the dynamics between her and her mother had changed since his death, that she felt she was also letting her mother go too.  She said to me "We are all orphans in the end, and we all go through the process of becoming one."

It was the second time I'd heard it put that way and again it struck me.  Because that is how it feels.  Not that it should, I am not Oliver Twist, my parents have done their job and I am strong and independent. But still the idea of losing them makes me feel vulnerable and alone.  And in the end I know I'll just be another orphan left behind by time.