Quitting Drinking

I think I'm going to stop drinking.

Now if many people said this it would be news, it would be a good thing, it would be a difficult decision based on careful consideration of the health risks of drinking and the problems associated to alcoholism.  For me it's not so interesting.

In fact I say I think I'm going to stop drinking when I haven't had a drink in 6 months, maybe more.

I don't drink often, it's just not who I am or something I enjoy.  When I order a mojito at work to "drink" with my clients my employees know to bring me a mint lemonade totally devoid of even a hint of rum.  Drinking is for people who want to lose control, who want to be wild, who want to forget or become someone else.

I hate losing control.  I don't get wild (liquor me up all you want and I still don't dance on tables  --believe me people have tried. I'm just not that fun, there is no wild party girl inside my stolid exterior just waiting for a couple shots of tequila to come out.)  In fact I don't forget anything I do when I'm drunk, I find my clumsiness while inebriated embarrassing (go back to that I don't like to lose control thing) and I find it embarrassing to remember how inebriated I was and how clumsy. 
When I get drunk there is no wild dancing on the tables, instead I lose my motor skills, my gross ones first and things like walking become more challenging (dancing however is easier because I lose the ability to keep myself still and wobbling is more natural).  Then of course I slur my words and finally I fall over, a lot. There is the possibility that  later puking or diarrhea may follow.  None of this adds up to enjoying alcohol.

If I stop drinking all this means is that I'm done.  Done with trying to fit in with a culture of social events held over a bottle of migraine inducing wine, done with trying to use tequila to tolerate bad music long enough that I can say I went out.  Done with going out.  Done with trying to be like everyone else.

I don't know that I should quit this easily.

This is why I think I might quit drinking.  Maybe, or maybe I should be like the alcoholic who says they will quit tomorrow not really make the decision.  Maybe I should just maybe quit tomorrow, just keep going as I am without really committing.  And maybe one day I'll say wow it's been 2 years since I had a drink, or maybe this holiday season I'll down a couple of drinks and try to fit in one more time.